


Back to Start

by Arbee



Category: Saiyuki
Genre: Amnesia, Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-03-09
Updated: 2012-04-11
Packaged: 2017-11-01 17:17:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,268
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/359328
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Arbee/pseuds/Arbee
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hakkai's memories are lost after a youkai attack. Can Gojyo get them back (or even convince Hakkai that he's missing any memories in the first place) before Sanzo decides to leave them behind?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> **Spoilers:** Hakkai's past. Gojyo's past as it ties into Hakkai's.

"You called, Koushu-sama?" Ni Jyeni asked, bowing respectfully before his mistress. Sitting on her throne before him, Gyokumen Koushu paused her nail filing long enough to glance down at Ni and acknowledge his presence.

"Ah, Dr. Ni. I'm glad you're here." She proclaimed, returning to her nails. "Honestly, I don't see how such a great man can have such a useless son. It's obvious he takes after _her._ " It was obvious she was referring to Kougaiji, which meant he had once again returned empty-handed. His task seemed fairly simple – kill Genjo Sanzo and bring back the Maten Sutra he held. The task became less simple when one factored Kougaiji's nature into the equation. He was, to put it simply, a gentleman. If he came across the Sanzo-party at a bad time, when they were busy with some other crisis, he would turn around and leave, preferring a fair fight to a good opportunity. The wrong sort of person for the job as far as Ni was concerned.

"He's just too soft. He'll never get the Sutra at this rate." Gyokumen complained, echoing his thoughts. It was Ni's cue.

"If I may, Koushu-sama…" he started.

"You have an idea?" Gyokumen asked, a touch of interest in her voice.

"I believe I know someone who would be appropriate for the task." He offered. One of the youkai assigned to him seemed better suited to the task than Kougaiji. He wasn't above kicking an enemy when he was down. He enjoyed it, even.

"Ah, wonderful. Send him to it, then." Gyokumen replied with a dismissive wave of her hand. Whether out of faith in Ni's choice, or due to the belief that if she sent enough assassins after Sanzo that one would eventually succeed, he didn't know. It didn't really matter.

"Very well." he said, taking leave of his mistress to delegate the order.

* * *

The past week had been a tense one for Sanzo and his companions. Sanzo had had the uncomfortable feeling that he was being watched for four days straight now, and that had made him irritable. Or more irritable than usual, at any rate. Needless to say, it had made for an unpleasant couple of days. It was now going on the 5th day of this, and things didn't look like they were going to improve anytime soon. Gojyo and Goku could sense Sanzo's uneasy mood, and weren't arguing as often. Unfortunately, for him, right now they had decided to make an exception.

"Hey! Keep you legs on your own side, stupid monkey!" Gojyo complained, nudging Goku with his feet.

"They ARE! Don't blame me if your legs are too long, pervert Kappa!" Goku insisted, kicking back. Sanzo summoned all of his restraint to keep himself from killing them right then and there. They were disturbing the peace over _legroom_?

"If you two idiots don't shut up right now, I'll kill you both right here!" Sanzo threatened, standing up and aiming his shoureiju at Gojyo for good measure. The two valued their lives, and so they shut up and sat up straight. Gojyo scooted closer to Hakkai as if he was some sort of shield. Sanzo sat back down and shook his head, catching a glimpse of Hakkai, sweatdropping. The four sat in silence for another kilometre or so, until Sanzo could no longer stand the tension. He _still_ felt like he was being watched, too.

"Hakkai, stop the car." he ordered bluntly. Through loyalty or curiosity, Hakkai obeyed. Sanzo stepped out of the jeep, aiming his shoureiju into the woods on the north side of the road.

"Alright, whoever you are, you've got ten seconds to show yourselves, or I start firing!" He announced. This was apparently what their stalker was waiting for, because an annoyingly arrogant voice taunted them from the trees.

"Ha! It took you long enough to notice. I feel so threatened." It replied. Damned smartass. Sanzo fired indiscriminately into the trees.

"Not even close!" the voice taunted, but a thud told Sanzo that the speaker had either jumped out of a tree, or had fallen. Hopefully the latter.

Behind Sanzo, his companions stepped out of the jeep and readied their weapons. They could see as easily as anyone what was going to happen. At that moment, as if reacting to some unknown signal, a few dozen youkai poured out of the trees. They were your typical thugs: tall, ugly and brainless. In other words, taking care of them should be easy. Nodding to each other, they split up to take care of the group. Sanzo headed forward and offed a few with his gun before running into a large muscular youkai who stubbornly refused to die.

Hakkai took on a group of burly-looking youkai on the south side of the road with Gojyo while Sanzo and Goku were already occupied on the north side. It began fairly typically: the thugs ran at him, weapons held threateningly. Hakkai attacked from a distance with his ki attacks. It went on like this until one of them managed to avoid his blasts. When Hakkai tried again, the youkai deflected it with a blast of his own. The blast veered off to the right, smashing into another low-rank youkai. The new opponent looked somewhat higher in the grand scheme of things. He looked as though he did know what a shower was, and was much better dressed than the others as well. His opponent was a man about his height who had shoulder length white hair, red eyes, and had purplish skin. All of which lead Hakkai to reach a conclusion:

"So, these are your men?" he asked casually, readying another ki-ball.

"Did you figure that out all by yourself?" the youkai chided in that same arrogant voice that had spoken to Sanzo moments ago. Hakkai hid his annoyance. If this was the case, he wouldn't hold back. He fired the third blast wearing his usual smile. His opponent tried to dodge and failed, taking a hit to the shoulder and upper chest, stepping back. Growling, the youkai returned fire as fast as he could, and Hakkai was hit.

Now, where was he? All of a sudden, Hakkai couldn't remember what he was doing here. Or where here was, for that matter. That ceased to be a problem when he was hit by a ki-beam coming from a purplish-skinned youkai with white shoulder length hair. He immediately put up a barrier to defend himself as he assessed the situation.

Now, what was he doing here? Wasn't he just having dinner with Gojyo and the others at the Inn they'd picked out? No, he had been driving through the desert, and Gojyo and Goku were arguing just a moment ago. That was when Hakkai realized that he must be slowly losing his memories. His opponent's ki beam had to be the cause. He tried his best to think of a defense, but the only idea that occurred to him given the situation was to try to force himself to remember the most recent event he could.

Goku had managed to defeat War Prince Homura. Sanzo seemed pleased that they would be able to continue on their way, and… Hakkai couldn't remember. He tried again. He and Gojyo had gotten word that Sanzo were going to be picking them up for a rather involved mission, and so they had gone out to meet them, but before they had met up with Sanzo and Goku, they had been ambushed by a band of youkai, and.. Hakkai couldn't remember. He was lying on the dirt road, in the pouring rain, certain that he would die, when a tall man with hair and eyes as red as blood had appeared before him. The next thing he knew he had awoken… where? It was useless. Nothing he was doing was having any effect on the attack. A noise of frustration escaped his lips.

Hakkai wondered what he was trying to do, holding his hands up as he was. He lowered them. If his memories had been slowly fading before, now that his ki shield was gone, they were slowly being sucked away. Collapsing to his knees, Hakkai clutched his head in his hands, and then enemy's attack finally ceased.

Gojyo turned towards Hakkai when he had taken care of most of the thugs. Hakkai was still struggling against his opponent. Something had to be very wrong. Hakkai never took this long to finish off a thug. He ran towards the source, to find Hakkai struggling against an enemy youkai's ki. Well, if Hakkai was too busy defending to attack, then Gojyo would be more than happy to do it for him. He started sneaking closer to the white haired youkai and was just about to attack when Hakkai let out another pained yell and dropped his ki shield. Shit. This guy had to be strong to overpower Hakkai like that. He charged at the enemy with a loud growl. He swung his shakujou, the blade flying towards its target at the end of its chain, but the enemy managed to slip back into the trees and escape moments before the blade came slicing through the air where his head had been. Gojyo put his shakujou aside and turned his attention to Hakkai, sitting him up and supporting him with his arms.

"Hakkai!" he asked, worried. Hakkai seemed rather dazed. It was nerve-wracking. "Are you alright?"

Hakkai looked up at Gojyo as he would a stranger. "I'm fine." he replied politely. Gojyo relaxed his hold of Hakkai in relief, until Hakkai spoke again.

"I'm sorry, have we met?"


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Spoilers:** Hakkai's past. Gojyo's past as it ties into Hakkai's.

"I'm sorry, have we met?" Hakkai stared up at Gojyo blankly, as he never had before, not even when they first met. There's no way he didn't recognize him. They'd lived together for three years! Not to mention they'd been together for who-knew-how-long on this rotten trip.

"Very funny, Hakkai." Gojyo said. Did Hakkai think the youkai were still hiding around here somewhere? He wished Hakkai wasn't so reserved. Gojyo had no idea what was going on inside that pretty little head of his. Hakkai thought quietly for a moment. It seemed to Gojyo to be ages before he finally spoke.

"Hakkai?" He eventually said. "I'm afraid you've mistaken me for someone else. My name is Cho Gonou." Gojyo was stunned into silence. The guy was serious, wasn't he? He honestly thought he was Gonou?

"What are you talking about! You're not Gonou anymore, you're Hakkai!" Goku insisted loudly. He and Sanzo had finished with their half of the youkai, and had come looking for them. Goku still looked tense, full of adrenaline, ready to fight again at any time, and almost as confused as Hakkai. Sanzo, on the other hand, had his arms folded, wearing an expression on his face that just said, "I'm surrounded by idiots."

"Look, let's just get to the next town before nightfall. I am NOT camping out with you morons."

Gojyo hated to admit it, but Sanzo was right. Staying there wasn't going to accomplish anything, and they could figure out what the hell was going on when they got there. He stood up and offered Hakkai, er, Gonou a hand. Gonou took it, and pulled himself up.

"How are we going to make it? We seem to be in the middle of a forest." He asked. Gojyo grinned back at him and gave him a thumbs-up sign.

"We've got it covered." Gojyo said confidently. Sanzo turned abruptly and led the group back to the road where the jeep stood waiting. It kyuued happily as the party emerged from the woods, physically unharmed. Sanzo and Goku were quick to take their customary seats, but Gonou reached out to take Gojyo's arm and stop him before he could do the same.

"Um... excuse me... uh... mister . . .," he said, not remembering Gojyo's name.

"It's Gojyo." Gojyo supplied.

"Gojyo-san... did that jeep just make a noise... on its own?"

"Yep."

"How?"

"Because it's alive."

"Alive? How?"

"It's a transforming dragon."

This piqued Gonou's curiosity, and he circled the jeep, inspecting it, tapping it in places. The jeep gave out a confused "Kyuu?" It wasn't difficult to notice how oddly its master was acting.

"Wherever did you find it?" Gonou asked.

"Uh, you did." said Gojyo.

"But... I can't drive."

Throughout this whole exchange, Sanzo's patience wore steadily thinner. He didn't care _whose_ dragon it was, as long as they got MOVING already. Eventually, he could restrain himself no longer.

"Just GET IN or I'm leaving you BOTH BEHIND!" He bellowed. The threat worked, and Gonou set aside his curiosity and took a seat in the back, beside Goku, leaving Gojyo to drive.

* * *

By early evening, the Sanzo party had arrived at the next town and had located an Inn. They only had two rooms available, but luckily for them, they were both double rooms. As the four headed upstairs to the rooms, Sanzo dictated the sleeping arrangements.

"Goku is with me in room 208." He said, pointing to the closer of the two rooms. "Gojyo and the amnesiac get 212." He dictated.

"Yaaay! I don't have to room with Gojyo!" Goku cheered, obviously satisfied with the deal.

"Hey! Don't sound so cheerful!" Gojyo complained. "And what about Hakkai?"

"That's your problem." Sanzo said. Gojyo couldn't believe his ears.

"And you're just going to go sit back with a cigarette and a newspaper?" He accused.

"No. I'm going to get supplies. Come on, Goku."

Gojyo stood there blinking as the monk left with his pet. Was he going deaf? Genjo Sanzo? Doing his OWN shopping? Somebody, alert the press! Well, that made up for being abandoned with Gonou. Things would be perfect if only Hakkai were back to normal.

"Fine." he said, and turned back to Gonou.

Gonou followed Gojyo and his friends to the Inn and waited politely as they decided who would be stuck with him. Gonou hated this. He felt so helpless. He hated being such a burden on Gojyo, but until he found out where he was, and how he'd gotten here, not to mention what had happened to Kanan, he couldn't really do much else. Besides, who was this 'Hakkai' they kept mistaking him for, and where had he gone? Once a decision had been made, Gojyo turned back to him.

"Come on, our room's this way." Gojyo said, and led Gonou down the hall to another room. Lacking any other options, Gonou followed. He hated to be such a burden to Gojyo-san and his friends, but as long as he didn't know where he was, or what he was doing here, he didn't really have much choice. With any luck, he could repay them later. Once he and Gojyo arrived at their room, Gonou took a seat on the bed as Gojyo paced in front of him, trying to explain the situation.

"So, where are we?" Gonou asked, taking a deep breath. He hadn't recognized anything on the road as they had headed into town. The town itself was new to him, and because they'd rented rooms at an inn told Gonou that it was new to Gojyo and his friends, too. He could tell he wasn't going to like Gojyo's answer.

"Uh, I don't know exactly, but we've been heading west for quite a while now." Gojyo explained, fidgeting nervously. Heading west? Why would he do that? He had everything he had ever wanted back home: a decent job doing something he enjoyed, a nice house, and his precious Kanan at his side.

"Why? Where's Kanan?" He asked. Gojyo paced the room nervously for a moment more before answering.

"We're tagging along with Sanzo and his monkey to stop some nutcase's attempts to revive Gyuumaou, partly because he's bad news, and partly because it's spreading minus waves that are making the youkai go crazy." Gojyo said. Gonou sprang to his feet, alarmed, and took a step towards Gojyo.

"What? If that's true, I can't stay here! I need to go back and protect Kanan!" he started towards the door, but before he could reach it, Gojyo held out his hands to stop him. Apparently, he hadn't finished speaking.

"You can't." He said, continuing before Gonou could do anything but open his mouth. "I know this is the _last_ thing you need to hear right now, and I hate to be the one to have to tell you this, but..." Gojyo trailed off, shifting his weight from foot to foot.

"But?" prompted Gonou. Gojyo took a deep breath and continued.

"But she's... dead. She died over three years ago."

"That's impossible!" Gonou protested, growing more irritated by the second. Gojyo tried to explain what had happened. He told Gonou bout the sacrifice. About Gonou's desperate attempts to rescue her. About being turned into a youkai. About Gojyo finding him there in the dirt and taking him home, and finally, about turning himself over to Sanzo and being given a new chance at life. He was rewarded with a glare as cold as ice.

"How DARE you make up a story like that." He said.

"It's not a story, its true! If I'm lying, then why is that scar there on your stomach?" Gojyo sounded desperate for Gonou to believe him, but he couldn't. He refused to. Something so horrific couldn't be true. Gonou had to get out. He couldn't listen to this anymore. Kanan, sacrificed to a youkai lord? He would never have allowed it!

"I just can't believe that." He said softly, and left the room, letting the door swing shut behind him.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Spoilers:** Hakkai's past. Gojyo's past as it ties into Hakkai's.

Well crap. Gojyo'd handled that just brilliantly, hadn't he? He knew Gonou wasn't going to take the news well, but Gojyo had not expected him to run. Swear at him, punch him and even try to rip his lungs out, but not run away! Man, if only he had some sort of clue as to what had happened, he might be able to actually do something to help. Instead, all he could do was stay with him and hope that he remembered. Or, watch him storm off angrily, as things had turned out. Gojyo took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. Staying here wouldn't do any good after all. He had to go find Gonou, and try to explain things again. He headed for the door, which opened by itself just before he got there. Sanzo and the monkey had returned. Of course, it didn't take Sanzo long to notice that Gonou was missing.

"Where's Hakkai?" He asked, in that it's-not-my-problem way of his.

"I ... don't know." Gojyo admitted.

"What do you _mean_ you don't know? You were supposed to be watching him!" Sanzo shouted angrily, giving Gojyo a whack with his fan for good measure.

"I was tryin' to tell him why he was here with us, but he got pissed an' stormed off!" Gojyo said. Sanzo only glared at him in reply, so he continued. "I was going to go after him when _somebody_ interrupted." he walked around Sanzo and tried to leave again when Sanzo grabbed Gojyo's arm, stopping him. Gojyo looked back and opened his mouth to complain, but stopped when he saw what he had in his other hand. A pack of cigarettes, but not Sanzo's usual Marlboros. They were Gojyo's brand.

"Here." Sanzo said. "The last thing I need is to have to listen to you bitching about being out of cigarettes on top of everything else."

"Thaaaank you." Gojyo said, accepting the pack and pulling one out almost immediately. As Gojyo smoked, Sanzo complained.

"I'm fed up with these constant delays. If that amnesiac wants to take off, we'll just leave without him." Gojyo tried to ignore Sanzo's ranting. He always said this sort of thing whenever anything happened to break up the 'drive. sleep. kill assassins' routine. It was tough, though. How could he be willing to dismiss them at times like this?

"But Sanzo, Hakuryuu belongs to Hakkai. He won't leave him behind." Goku pointed out. At least the monkey was on Gojyo's side.

"So we'll walk." Sanzo was undeterred.

"He didn't say he wanted to ditch us." Gojyo tried again. "He just doesn't know who he is."

"Exactly. He's nothing but a liability this way."

"We can't just leave him here!"

"Yeah! Can't we try and help Hakkai? Please?" Even with Goku supporting Gojyo, Sanzo sat and fumed for a moment before finally caving.

"You have until tomorrow morning." He conceded. "If he's not back by then, I'm leaving." Gojyo extinguished his cigarette in the ashtray and made a third attempt for the door.

"I'll definitely bring him back." He said, finally making it to the door, rushing through before Sanzo had a chance to change his mind.

* * *

Gonou wandered around the strange town as he tried to clear his head and make sense of things. When he came across an empty bench in a public park, he sat down. It was a decent-sized park, considering the size of the town. A few paths lead around it towards the sports field lined in trees and bushes at the south end of the park, then back again to the small playground to the north. The playground was covered in sand, and contained a set of three swings, and arched monkey bars that connected to a platform. The platform connected to a slide on the other end. There were scattered groups of children playing in the sand and on various pieces of equipment, and watching them made Gonou feel more at peace.

Gojyo-san had _sounded_ like he as being honest when he spoke of the horrible things that had happened. It just sounded so ridiculous. It couldn't possibly be true, could it? But how could Gojyo-san be telling the truth _and_ lying? There wasn't much he could use to verify the story. Except he'd said Gonou'd sustained great injuries that were supposed to have left him with a large scar across his stomach. If the scar truly was there, then Gojyo's story was true. Perhaps he should find a restroom and check. That would answer the question, but… he was reluctant. What would he do if it were there? He wasn't ready to face up to the implications just yet.

Just then, someone sat down on the bench beside Gonou. He looked up at the newcomer. It was a youkai of average height and build, with purplish skin and white, chin-length hair.

"What's wrong?" the youkai asked, leaning forward. "You look like you've got the weight of the world on your shoulders." Gonou noticed an odd look in his eye, but the youkai didn't seem out of the ordinary. "Hey, I don't mind if you'd rather keep it to yourself. You look like your world has come crashing down around you." Gonou forced a smile. He certainly had a lot to think about, but he must be looking worse than he thought, to warrant that many clichés.

"I'd say that's about accurate," he said.

"Care to talk about it?" the youkai asked, sounding not entirely unlike a school guidance counselor

"Well, I'm not sure why, but it seems I've lost some of my memory. My friends have been trying to fill me in, but it's very hard to believe." Gonou explained, still thinking of the argument with Gojyo. If someone had lied to him about what had happened and he was just repeating it, he could be telling an incorrect story and still believe it to be true. It was Gonou's only hope.

"Are you sure they're your friends?" asked the youkai, interrupting Gonou's thoughts. Gojyo was surprised. That possibility hadn't even crossed his mind.

"What do you mean?" he replied. The youkai took a deep breath, choosing his words carefully before speaking.

"Well, this must be convenient for them, with your memory gone. They can tell you whatever they want and have you believe it. They could be lying to you to try and turn you to their side," he suggested. Gonou hadn't expected someone he didn't know (or didn't seem to know) to be too sympathetic, but it was unnerving for something like this to be suggested so suddenly. Gojyo-san wasn't that kind of person, was he?

* * *

Gojyo wandered around the town, searching for his friend, with no luck. Dammit, this was all Sanzo's fault. Everything was fine before the youkai attack. Why'd he have to go and provoke them? Gojyo stopped, and leaned against a building. This was useless. He was going to have to get smarter with his searching or he'd never find Hakkai. So, if he were Hakkai, where would he go? The market was out, since Sanzo had his credit card. A library maybe? Was this town even big enough to have one? A schoolyard or park maybe? That seemed to be the most likely candidates. He stopped the nearest person to ask where the parks were.

"A park? There's one down that street there, to the left," the woman answered. Calling a thanks over his shoulder, Gojyo hurried down the street towards the park. By the time he arrived he was a little out of breath, but it was worth it; he'd hit pay dirt. On a bench beside the playground sat Hakkai. Next to him was someone that seemed oddly familiar. It was a youkai of average height and build, with purplish skin and white, chin-length hair. Recognition hit him. That's where he'd seen that guy before! He was the leader of the band of youkai who'd attacked earlier! It was _his_ fault that Hakkai's memory was gone!


End file.
